Yearning for summer so so bad rn I need to be TAN and in a THONG so I can heal everything that happened to me in 2024.. NOW!

#starborncore this is very much a Mary summer vibe

winter….

Nostalgia loses this time...

Hello Moto

This weekend I reunited with one of my first ever bestfriends, seriously since 4th grade we kinda just declared we were besties now and it's been up since then. Well up until like 10th grade, then we both did a lot of moving and drifting apart. Between those times there was even a section of time when we weren't even friends. Yeah, a lot of change has happened. Yet.. some feelings have continued to stay the same. Sometimes it's okay to revisit someone or something in hopes of rekindling again but walking away feeling the connection's irreparable. My love is always and will always be with her, just as it's always been. 

cadet limbo- king rule  

"No matter how good things were in the past, the simple fact that it's in the past means it could always be better." - Mary Starborn

 

Mammoth Lake ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

After Valentines Day I went up to Mammoth Lake for the first time ever! I mean seriously, it was my first time actually seeing, touching, falling, and playing in huge volume of snow. Yes I was freezing my ass off (kinda), but I had to get these fits off. Also the amount of compliments I got on my outfits, even the backhanded ones I’m taking them as a full compliment! How many “wow that’s a fit!” Can a girl handle while she’s wearing booty shorts, midriff top, thigh high leg warmers, and a coat in 30° weather you may ask? Well maybe about, 10. Not even counting the stares, then maybe 300.

Im extremely glad to be back home, I missed my apartment. I have such attachment issues to her which I don’t mind for obvious reasons. She’s my first big girl apartment in a big city AND built in 1920 so it has old vintage interior design touches to it. Unique. One day I’ll blog my apartment and all things included.. but let me spend more time with her first LOL.

Mammoth Lake my 2 day trip was illuminating! And also my Instagram pics I took are sooo sexy… just wait on that post (teehee). Okay it’s 8AM and the day after getting back, gonna roll one up and transcend while listening to subliminal.

catch U later xx

BASSVICTIM!!!

Live too fast 

Full Moon⋆˖⁺‧₊☽⚪☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Full Moons always remind me to rest my body and my mind-- check in with my inner self. Sometimes my mind and body are racing around simultaneously that I've become immune to being this way. You can also find me feeling guilty when the energy calls and forces me to be still. Time and time again even through the brief funk I feel when "hibernating" and focusing on self, those times have been detrimental to my wellbeing and further endeavors (but hey sometimes these episodes hit so hard that it's difficult to completely see the light at the end of the tunnel... working on it.) 

I should've been meaner ᶠᶸᶜᵏᵧₒᵤ! (╥﹏╥) ☔︎︎

 Hello Moto

(trigger warning: mention of suicide for the sensitivities out there)

(also don't be tender over here though, this is first and last trigger warning <3)

I'm sitting here thinking about how I was a nice ass btch to someone when I should've been meaner!! About a week ago I had a suicide attempt, I tried my best the whole day to overcome the feeling. It was caused because a couple days prior I was given substances against my will and the come down completely altered my mind. The world felt heavy, I felt so incredibly depressed. Couldn't recognize myself and all I could do was overthink and cry. The night before my attempt I hit up a friend to watch a movie together the following day, she replies the following morning agreeing to the hangout. We try to decide on a time but the time she gave I wasn't going to be able to make it so I let her know this. I didn't hear back from her for hours and so I believed she was busy or something. I really wanted to watch this movie so my mindset was "don't wait for anyone when it comes to fulfilling plans, it's what YOU wanted to do in the first place". And so I bought a solo ticket and since I was feeling depressed I took a nap until it was time for the movie. In the middle of my nap, maybe an hour before the showing, she texts me that she's ready or something along that. I didn't see it immediately because obviously I was asleep, so the time I woke up which was about 15 minutes before the showing I texted her I didn't know if she still wanted to go so I bought a solo ticket. Also, 15 minutes before the showing which means we have a total of about 30-35 minutes before the actual movie even plays due to all the ads that play beforehand. 

Let's just say she wasn't too happy about hearing this. We're going back and forth through texts and she calls me out for being so flaky and that she's not "fuckin with it". She even brings up a time from our mutual friend that I was inconsistent and uses that as her ammo. Mind you this mutual friend never expressed concern toward me but... I digress. I waste the first 10 minutes of the actual movie pleading with her and being apologetic and she just wasn't having it. I ended the conversation, not intentionally, with letting her know Im going through it but still offering her to let me make it up to her. Mind you, I was contemplating on killing myself the entire day and I'm still here with my cape on trying to save the day. 

The rest of the night well... it goes aforementioned. I tried to end it and well I'm here typing this out so thank God it didn't work. But I've NEVER heard back from that friend. Fucking Libras... YOU CAN GO BACK TO UR AINT SHIT EX AND FOLD BUT A FRIEND IS WHERE U DRAW THE LINE. Not to mention the last hangout we had I bought weed and cooked for her, watched movies and she slept here until 4AM. Man oh man...

Maybe I shouldn't have been meaner. Im glad my heart is pure, even in the toughest of times.

Another one bites the dust. 

...before I snooze˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

 ...just a quick blog entry before I end my night. TODAY I GOT A JOB AGAINNNNN. I've literally been unemployed for almost 2 maybe 3 months but I knew I'd secure another job which is why I didn't immediately search for a new one. Instead I flew to New York City with my bestie Ixa. I'll formally introduce all my bestfriends and family at some point but.. not the point right now. IM EMPLOYED AND I NEGOTIATED WITH THE TEAM TO MATCH MY SALARY AT MY LAST JOB YIPPIEEEEE. Honestly they were trying to hire me for $10 less on my hourly than what I was making at my last job which is craaazyyyyy.. girl up that shit. 

Okay quick side note Im watching Catfish right now and it's a lesbian couple on the show. Tell me why they finally met and the "catfish"  ,even tho she's actually real, just told the girl she's married but going through a divorce BUT she's still in love with her ex... GIRLLLLLL WHY ARE LESBIANS LIKE THIS I CANT I CANT. (this is also reminding me to touch on my sexuality soon because... im going through sumo like that too LOL.. really but not really.)

Okay continuing now, I honestly had a pretty good day. I'd say I was productive and I got a job AND I have new casting tapes to film so I'm excited to book these gigsss <333 thank you GOD. One super weird thing that happen today tho.. I took a nap today and had the most odd dream I've had in a while. I'm like do I decipher it? Is it a message? Or have I been filling my subconscious with slight negativity and it's been influencing my dreams? Okay y'all my guilty pleasure is watching drama filled storytimes on YouTube and I fell asleep while some were playing so maybe that influenced my dream? 

Since I am going to sleep soon I don't want to touch on the what the dream was YET... because it was pretty disturbing.. but someday I will. (THIS IS A REMINDER). 

I also paid a ton of bills today so I'm all caught up, talked to my oldest sister and she's currently at a Black student LAW convention in Boston GO HER!!! And talked to a few other of my loved ones. Today WAS a good day.. an angel definitely gained its wings. 

Goodnight world, you be good. 

Welcome darlings ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

 Hello Motooo

Eeek this is my very first blog post. Im not even sure where to start so I guess I'll tell a little bit about myself and this blog anddd basically almost all it'll entail. Im a Nigerian 22 year old Star, well yes it's true! But you can call me Mary Starborn. I'm based in Los Angeles, CA in a beautifullll pink gorgeous apartment right in the city. I probably didn't need to include that butttt I'm so proud of my humble abode sooo ima yap about her. Im a model, actress, DJ, writer, GEMINIIIII.. I'm a pretty big deal (to me at least, to the general public.. very very soon you all will catch on). Im born June 9th into a family of 5 other siblings. Okay well actually 4 other siblings at the time but my mom then left my dad and got with my stepdad and now I have an amazing younger brother who's 15. So technically it's all 6 of us, but im just being honest. My conventionally unconventional job is working in media as an on camera sales live-streamer for TikTok (pretty big deal ikik), and when I'm off camera Im still ON camera LOL.. Ive modeled for some pretty big names and companies so far.. like body doubling for SZA (twice) and doing a makeup campaign for Urban Decay just to name a couple. Okay I have so much more to say but I'm getting inspired to revamp my blog more.. brb.